The Worst Love Affair Never Told

I moment I post my Shakespearian Booty Call from yesteryear, the assignment resurfaces from the depths of the syllabus to haunt me once more. Such is life. It’s a five minute production, thus the rushed and dreadful nature. I’m sure you understand. So behold the love affair of Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell. The worst love affair never told…

Rosie O’Donnell: I’m gonna get straight to the point.

Donald Trump: Rosie, with you nothing’s straight…and you’re fat.

Rosie O’Donnell: …Wow. I’m glad you’re still in the forth grade.

Donald Trump: Fat, Fat, Fat!!

Rosie O’Donnell: Okay, I’m gonna ignore the ignorance that is you and talk so you can understand me. Let’s talk money Donald.

Donald Trump: I have more of it than you.

Rosie O’Donnell: I was wrong. The third grade.

Donald Trump: Fine Rosie. I’ll set our differences aside. You have five minutes. Go!

Rosie O’Donnell: Alright, so I’ve thought of a way we can both be billionaires.

Donald Trump: I’m already a billionaire.

Rosie O’Donnell: That’s questionable.

Donald Trump: Four minutes... What are you doing? [Rosie places a black bag on a table near them and removes a camcorder from inside]…what’s that?

Rosie O’Donnell: A time machine.

Donald Trump: Three minutes.

Rosie O’Donnell: It’s a camcorder you idiot! Okay, let me make this plain. I’ll throw a few names at you. Paris Hilton. Snoop Dog… Jenna Jamison!

Donald Trump: ...You lost me.

Rosie O’Donnell: All have a sex tape! And it made them superstars. And super rich.

Donald Trump: I think I’m gonna be sick!

Rosie O’Donnell: Billions! Think about it Donald! Billions!

Donald Trump: …I think I feel better.

ROSIE O’DONNELL: So what do you say.

DONALD TRUMP: [ponders] I say…okay!

Rosie O’Donnell: Then let’s get it poppin’!

Donald Trump: Please don’t talk like that. I don’t want to think about the details, just the results.

Rosie O’Donnell: Whatever gets you off.

Donald Trump: …You won’t make this any easier.

Rosie O’Donnell: Where’s the fun in that.

Donald Trump: Fuck you Rosie.

Rosie O’Donnell: Good. Exactly Donald. That’s the point. [Rosie assumes the position and Donald warily walks towards her.]

[ Scene fades to black]